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Advance guard?
Supposedly 'unique'. Approaching subjects differently. Experimental.
No, I don't think this post is going to completely rely on avant-garde and I wish I could go into depth with it.. But it's interesting how people apply it to things. I kind of envy those who have innovated minds to think of amazing things that can be beneficial or just useless. So... I would kindly like to forward this to architecture.
About six months ago, I discovered Bjarke Ingels.
A Danish architect who found BIG (Bjarke Ingels Group) and creates mind-blowing buildings. Not only are his buildings sophisticated eye candy for the public, but the way they are designed copes with nature or the environment. He also spoke at TED in mid-July.
His designs can often be questionable, like his plan for Azerbaijan. You're just kind of sitting there like, "Holy shit. It's so fucking awesome." But then again, those buildings are being built in a randomass place, Zira Island. Another thing is, visiting Zira Island will be one hell of an investment. It's lavished to every end possible, but that's what you should expect from a resort. And it's the same with numerous apartment complexes he has designed.
Well, I wouldn't truly know how much rent would be and stuff, but assuming it would be a bitchin' investment....
More architects/designers should kind of adapt this hybrid of advant-garde-pragmatic thinking and take it to the next level. Like.. making this shit affordable, yadig?
Also, I would really love to see architecture and topology applied together. Möbius building.. hurhurhur.
I'd love to live in this damn apartment.
Cheers to my best friend who would have turned 16 today. He will always remain a special person who forever changed me.
Surprise, surprise.
I have no motivation. Time to complain complain complain. You know, I'd hate to say I'm depressed because I'm probably not. Just.. stupid. My bad weeks have been continuing and actually, those weeks have now officially turned into months. So, three months of shit. Coooool.
I hate complaining. Complaining is really bad. Because, I don't have it that bad. It honestly could be worse, but I have no choice and it truly disgusts me. This further brings on the fact that this year, I have become even more disgusted with myself. Durrrrrrrr..
Jeez. I can't even help myself let alone others. Extreeeeeeeme anti-motivation.
I feel great.
Fuck sarcasm.
I could really go for a 4th of July right now. I had a SHITTY one this year. Wait, no, I didn't. I spent 8 hours with my good friend, Justin, that day. It was great. But that evening was terrible. Oh well.
I love America.
I miss Irene's house.
I hate the fact that I keep putting this off on Fridays. Because what happens is that I don't get to give myself time to thoroughly think about of what I want to write. Another thing is I keep limiting myself on what I want to write, but that's probably because I hate what it becomes. I should've made this a private blog.
It's hard being 'myself' because that's the kind of person I don't want to be and I constantly get criticized about it.
I could totally refer to Tuesday's quick write, but I don't feel like dedicating my whole blogpost to it even though it's highly recommended. Especially since I'm all over the place right now.
I need to commit.
This is for Ricky >:l
So I have recently rejoiced with a game called BioShock (I bought it during black friday). I've only played it once and it was a short lived experience..
This first-person shooter takes place in an underwater city called Rapture founded by a business man, Andrew Ryan. Despite the great technology in this game, it's set around the 1960's. You play as Jack, the main character who was first introduced as a survivor of a plane crash which conveniently took place near Rapture's secret entrance. You enter Rapture as an only hope and is guided by a man named Atlas via radio. You then set off to seek higher ground and help Atlas save his family. You encounter splicers (think intelligent zombie), Little Sisters (girl displayed in picture who harvest something called ADAMs), Big Daddies (also in picture, they protect Little Sisters), plasmids (rearranges your genetic code to have an 'ability'), and tons of machinery (turrets and stufffffffff). Read BioShock's synopsis (since I suck at summarizing).
This game scares the bloody hell out of me. It's so eerie. Especially since it's set in the 1960's and you can hear splicers around saying weird ass shit. I kind of think the Big Daddies are cute because they protect the Little Sisters and they're just so adorable :> But I have to kill them D: bawwwww. Nevertheless, badass game. Interesting storyline with plot twists. Apparently it was inspired by the novel I wanted to read, "Atlas Shrugged".
I'm nowhere near done with the game since I can only play during broad daylight or if someone's with me, harharhar. I'm such a whimp. But yeah. I'm fucking psyched for BioShock2. That's about it.
I found my old writing fluencies from last year!
They disappoint me. A lot.
I would like to revisit this old topic and 'reflect'..
Identity:
I wrote about how I'm heavily influenced by art and always enjoyed going to museums and antique shops. I would randomly doodle and try out new styles ALL the time! I also wanted to advance my art into a career in the future..
Yeah, that's not happening anymore. I realized that I'm not that creative and I'm a slow developer.. Drawing has been depressing me lately since I feel like I can't do anything. Like, I wouldn't know exactly WHAT to draw. Drawing people isn't fun because they look the same and it's just difficult kdsljfklsdjfkl. It's just so hard for me ;_; I considered a crap load of things like industrial design, illustration, game art/character developer (whatever it's called). Now it's just a minor hobby :l
Screw my life.
I've been feeling like a total failure lately and it's killing meeeeeee. I also realized what kind of made me unmotivated to learn by myself in the first place (although that gets contradicted for short periods of time):
In the 2nd grade, my teacher was talking about presidents of the U.S. So first came up our father, George Washington. She asked us if we knew any facts about him. I raised my hand excitingly and said that he cut down a cherry tree. She then said that was a myth and I was crushed to humiliation.
Everyone else said obvious things like he was the first president or he had fake teeth.
WHY DIDN'T I SAY ANY OF THOSE?!
I'm so dumb sometimes ;______;
But yeah.
That depressed me for a long time and it still haunts me. I can't describe how awful I felt. It's not even that bad.. but still. Really.
God damn. My computer froze last night and I fell asleep.
It didn't reboot until.. I don't know when ;____;
Well, I'm going write about stories and events my mother told me. She's excellent at pissing me off and making me laugh.
First off, she told me a story about an ant and a man she read in a book.
There was this man who was completely useless. He wasn't good at anything and would constantly get picked on by his mother and sister. So, one day he went up the mountains to get an ant to train it into a circus animal. He trained it vigorously and gave it care for a year. His family thought he was insane. It learned how to do various tricks like a handstand and other weird crap. Finally, he decided to take the ant into the city to show its talent. Before heading to his rich and fame, he went to a nice fancy restaurant for a pre-celebration. He wanted to show his ants first act to the waiter so the man asked for his attention saying, "Look here at this ant!" and before he could continue the waiter exclaimed, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry for our lack of pest control" and he squished the ant.
Aside from a story about an ant that could be fiction or non-fictional, here is a truly non-fictional story my mother told me about herself.
So, when she first came to the fatherland, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, she obviously didn't know a lot of things like the difference between housepets and wild animals. She was about 23 at the time and was driving around at like 2am in her Nissan sports car (or something) and came across a racoon. Thinking it was a housepet lost in the streets of San Francisco, she opened her car door and attempted to lure it in. The racoon just stared at her. She tried this for a good.. 10-15 minutes and then gave up and just drove off. When she got home, she talked to her friend about it and her friend freaked out saying it was a wild animal that usually has rabies. My mother then proceeded to freak out and now she's terrified of racoons.
On top of that, my mom sends me super asian texts. Sometimes using all caps to emphasize.
Well, I never really had a "Statement of Purpose" since I wasn't even in this class when we wrote it. But－ I did have something similar to it, "Overall Goals".
So let's start of with my grades:
I've never done so well in my lifeee. It's really strange yet amazing. It brings me so much joy and achievement that I've been doing sooo good. I just have a few problems.
I complain about history and judo.
History: This is one of my favourite subjects yet it happens to be my very least favourite class. What makes it so miserable to me would be my teacher and our unproductive assignments. To be honest, I really shouldn't be complaining about something like this, but I just can't help myself. Our assignments seem so unorganized and more complex than it really happens to be. It just depresses me. I came to this class to learn fucking history and I get a bunch of bullshit cornell notes to-go.
Judo: I was looking forward to this class so much. My friend would always tell me how fun it is and that I should join once I'm a sophmore. Ahhh.. I came in the worst year. This year, it's extremely over-crowded since the majority of people only joined to escape the dreadful "pacers" from P.E. It's really disappointing how people don't even put the effort in participating. It's also harder to get individual time with each person since that was the fun part of it. Now I just go to this class frustrated, exhausted, and unmotivated.
I also mentioned talking about how I wanted to learn many foreign languages.
Yeah, the idea is insane, but I'm happy to say that I'm still with this goal and I'm picking up on my Japanese again (kind of). I also realized it's easier and more fun to learn with people rather than alone..
Ahhh bratwurst.. Money ;A;
I've been doing a terrible job at "saving" haha. Especially the fact that I recently got 3 cavities filled which totaled to a whopping $804 without insurance. I know it's not my money, but the fact that I'm wasting my mother's pisses me offff. I'm guessing I have to start out a little smaller than I expected.
As for expanding my mind..
I feel like I don't have the time to do anything! But I'm trying. And I really have.
Also, it's kind of hard being public with my thoughts since it's annoying hearing people's immature feedback.
I usually say I like to give answers rather than questions, but I think that's only for social purposes.
I realized that I am a very curious person which gives me the fuel of wanting to learn. I would read random articles or attempt to think of something of my own, but ultimately fail).
There's so many things that people already know (or should know) which we call common knowledge, yes? I have the tendency of neglecting that sometimes (which I usually regret since it makes me look stupid) and look at the smaller, more uncommon things.
People would usually see these smaller things as immoral or useless. Whyyyyy?
Don't treat everything like shit, you guys! We derive knew ideas or inventions from these crackpot theories! I'm pretty damn sure we had plenty of situations like this as in some people/person brings up something and everyone's like "Noooooooo~", but then later proved wrong and praise it. I believe we have. Many times.
But then again, some things are just absolutely preposterous such as the Nibiru collision. It contradicts so many laws and people still believe in it.
Even though I question myself often, I don't like sharing it with the world. It's probably because I feel like I don't have enough background knowledge or something of that sort. But that just ruins the point of asking questions, right?
I don't know jfkdlajfdlf.
Return home.
Nostalgia, reminiscing, retrospecting.. or however you like to call it, is something so unique and mind blowing in everyones lives, yes?
Assuming that we all agree on this, let's move on.
I'd have to admit, despite my shitty past (terrible grades, horrific habits, etc.) I admire so many different aspects of it. The biggest part of my past would definitely have to be friends. I had an assload of friends (or so I think) and they were all very important to me. There was some down parts with these friends of mine which I rather not mention, but I had one hell of a time anyways. Even though I had decent social skills, I always stayed home. Therefore, I didn't have a beautiful.. 'outside' life like I should have.
What's weird is that even though I never had much of an outside life, I feel like I did. I would listen to music from M83, Boards of Canada, or Nujabes and imagine amazing landscapes or simple outside activities. Aside from daydreaming, I would also have dreams about things similar to this. I would feel like a completely different person, or maybe just a person I would want to be?
Thinking about things like this reminds me of past lives and reincarnation quite often.
Some people say that if you close your eyes and relax you can start seeing places, people, or activities that aren't even familiar to you. Well, there's more that rather than just laying down with your eyes closed since anyone can do that, haha. Point is, how is it possible that we can imagine these detailed images without knowing how we thought of it? Is it because we've seen things similar to them and just recreated it as our own?
On Saturday, I was reading current even articles and came across the news that "The Red Book" by Carl Jung has been publicly released.
I was never familiar with Carl Jung nor The Red Book, but I am quite familiar with Sigmund Freud, who he studied under. I remember reading a few years back about Freud's concept of the psychosexual development. I don't really know how I started reading about that and it does seem disgusting, but it was worth it. Freud has also received critique on this theory, particularly from females. Although I have not directly experienced his concepts, they seem quite convincing especially due to the media and personal stories from others. I'm very intrigued by his studies including how he adapted the "pressure technique" from Breuer's female hysteria case.
Our development relies on our brain. How we develop our specific actions or thoughts isn't pin-pointed yet and I doubt it ever will. The brain is too complex to fully analyze, but we can pick out the obvious things and if we're lucky enough－ the more difficult. It's just astonishing how people come up with these things.
A specific division of psychology I like the most would be depth psychology. Being related to my previous blog; it includes the study of dreams, complexes and archetypes. Since it's a mind twisting subject with endless possibilities that are yet unconfirmed.
I'm glad that The Red Book is being publicly displayed at the Rubin Museum in New York and excited that the translated version is being released this December. Due to its massive size, it's pretty expensive. Not only does it include Jung's theories, but it includes rich illustrations of Buddhist symbols and mythological creatures; which catches to my interests for complex and abstract art.
I find it interesting how this book was never published until now; which makes me think of all of the other documents or books that still remain unpublished. I'm a very curious person and if I learn something new, I WILL look into it. And of course, one thing will lead to another and it will just become an endless loop that I just can't fully comprehend.
So, there's this song called Casker by Humming Urban Stereo; one of my favourite artists. And in that song, there's this amazing philosophical conversation between a man and a woman about brain activity after death (like dreams) and reincarnation. As I carefully listened to what they were saying, it tripped me the fuck out. I was compelled like no other and had to find the source to this.
Google, being the god of the internet, answered my prayers and came across this blog talking about a movie called "Waking Life". Apparently, the conversation was an extracted fragment from that movie. I don't quite know what this movie is about, but hearing that conversation and reading other scene descriptions really makes me want to watch this movie (it's entirely done in a rotoscope animation).
This conversation alone reawakened my interests for philosophy, dreams, and reincarnation. I was always fascinated by them, but felt like I lacked knowledge to really get involved with it actively. I've had numerous dreams that felt like it held some kind of significance to me, no matter how random it seemed.
I recall having a dream a year or so ago about my bestfriend, Jason, who passed away when I was 11. I was in a small, isolated white room that had a large sliding glass door. The room itself was tinted cerulean, so it seemed like it was early in the morning. Jason then appeared out of nowhere in front of me, saying hello and asking how I was; telling me how much he's missed me. I was overwhelmed with happiness and chatted with him. The dream itself felt so realistic and his body and face changed as if he were the age he'd be now. He would then disappear momentarily and come back with gifts (I remember one of them was an Asian-styled clothes hanger drying thing with pandas on it). And then finally he told me that he had to go. I was sad that he had to go, but then he said that he was able to revisit every 25 minutes. He then gave me a warm hug, and departed.
I then woke up, realizing the fact that it was impossible for him to visit ever again.
It was an emotional dream, and I think about it often. It makes me wonder why I didn't forget that dream right when I woke up (common thing that happens to everyone), but I assumed because it was such a powerful dream. I'm not religious, so I'm not going to babble how God created that for me or something, but I do believe in souls. It's really hard to think of the purpose of the dreams you recieve every night (most of which you forget without knowing it).
As for reincarnation, I'm really uncertain of it. All I know is it's basic definition and that it came from Buddhism and Hinduism. I personally think it depends from the person's perspective since some people believe that if you had good karma in your life, you will be reincarnated into something good. I heard about how you can be reincarnated into either an animal or person; some people throw in bullshit like being reincarnated into 'objects', but I wouldn't know.
Anyways, that's it for today. I think I might want to read a couple of books on these types of things.
Any recommendations?
(1.) […] In almost every audience I address, there is someone who will suggest that racism is a thing of the past.
Treating history like nothing? If we're ignorant of the past, won't we repeat it?
Adding on to my little annotation up there:
I must admit, we've been neglecting our past generation's lives. Sure, things have moved on for the better, but discrimination still goes on; and we can't stop that. Unfortunately, that's not an excuse for our ignorance. I don't mean to sound like a butt hurt historian trying to stand up for old geezers who went through many wars and imprisonment, but seriously guys; you shouldn't be treating these things like shit because they'll eventually just come back and bite you in the ass.
Ahhh. Screw blocks.
I'd think of so many great ideas to write about, but eventually trap myself into a block. It's not that I just don't know what else to say.. Sometimes, the fact that I don't know enough about that subject just ruins the whole thing. I wouldn't know how to back myself up or how to properly display my opinions. And if I try to research into it a little more, there's just too much information for me to intake for a puny little blog. I'd need more than a few hours or days to fully understand everything. Writing is hard to do even if you don't have any limitations..
For example:
I tried to write about the younger generation's opinion towards history relating to an article I found a few days ago. Seeing how it relates to Stalin and gulag survivors; I needed to research more. I only knew general information, not much details so I tried to stuff multiple articles into my head, which ultimately failed which resulted into a bawfest of having nothing else to write.
Lately, I also haven't been drawing much. Sometimes I'd do a couple of weird, abstract doodles but that's about it. I just have no ideas at allllllllllllllllllll. It's really depressing to see a hobby so dear to me go down the drain because of a stupid block. Maybe it's because I haven't been exposing myself to new ideas? I guess that relates to writing since you have to read in order to write, right? On top of that, I don't feel very motivated to draw either D: It's mostly because I've been seeing no improvements for the past couple of months..
WELL, hopefully I will come up with better ideas rather than bullshitting everything because in the end, it just screws me over.
S-s-schooooool.
It's been going pretty good! I'm actually doing homework, haha. Though I sometimes slip on a few assignments or forget to complete an extra part :l
Oh well. I'm still getting used to it, yeah?
My classes are grreeeaaat! Except the fact that I don't learn crap in history or geometry.
I don't really care about self reflections; I just want to learn history.
My friend is here.
Now we're playing Megaman 9!
Oh dear, getting distracted D:
Damn! An elephant and a ball killed us D:
OKOK. As for geometry, my teacher doesn't do much teaching.. Just assigning and stuff.
It's kind of disappointing, but I do enjoy my classes.
Holy clam chowder I da sorry this week has not been interesting enough for me to write a decent blog.
Son, I am disappoint in self.
A brief list of important goals I hope to achieve throughout my high school career. They effect me in a variety of ways socially and personally.
+Improve my overall GPA
For years, my sister and mother would always lecture me to get better grades. Ever since the 4th grade, my grades have been slipping and I've been constantly holding it against myself. I've only noticed after my failure to attend 8th grade graduation (1.6 gpa) that it's been effecting me tremendously. I'm currently considered as a below average student (being only in geometry and biology) and it's holding me back from going into classes I'd enjoy in the future such as AP physics and AP environmental science. Procrastination is driving me nuts. This is something I seriously need to do in order to become successful.
+Learn as many foreign languages as possible.
At first, I wanted to become an artist. I had a couple of things in mind such as an industrial designer, illustrator, game artist, etc. Then I noticed that I'm not going so far with it so I thought of another passion of mine: astronomy. Being so fascinated with our expanding universe drew me into wanting to be an astronomer or physist.
Due to my grades and ingenious mind, I dropped it.
I want to learn foreign languages. I may not be a prodigy, but I catch on fast and I'm determined. People may think it's just a waste of time or ridiculous, but it's not. There's multiple ways to communicate, but the most important is spoken words. Each language has some kind of connection to each other no matter how different they are; it's art. Being a language specialist can be such a great experience and I'm looking forward to it. Since I'm only 15, my thoughts may change in the future, but I'm willing to take my chances.
Currently, I'm learning French, (trying)German and Japanese.
+Save approximately 75% of earnings, allowances, etc.
I don't know how to manage money. I buy junk. I lend others too much money.
I waste money.
I'm in high school. I don't know what's going to really happen to me once I graduate and my mother can't support me as much as my sister when she graduated. I honestly can't depend on getting a scholarship either. So, I want to cut 75% of any money I recieve and lock it up.
+Expand my mind.
Read more. Write more.
What other way could I possibly do it?
It's been done for centuries.
